


without you

by VITRI0L



Series: jan 20th stabbed me in the heart and then handed me a healing potion, saying “everything is going to be ok” [1]
Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: :/, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Best Friends, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, No beta we die like dream, Oneshot, Platonic Relationships, Roleplay, canon fed us good today, what if the mcyt squad showed up a little too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28888140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VITRI0L/pseuds/VITRI0L
Summary: “what am i without you?”  the blond asked desperately, watery blue eyes searching tired brown depths.“yourself,” tubbo whispered, as if he didn’t want to speak those words into existence.•••*spoilers for the jan 20th streams*//lowercase intended\\
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: jan 20th stabbed me in the heart and then handed me a healing potion, saying “everything is going to be ok” [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118525
Comments: 32
Kudos: 318





	without you

**Author's Note:**

> :/
> 
> title inspired by: like you do - joji

tommy gripped the sleeve of tubbo’s green shirt, desperately balling it in his fist, knuckles turning white.

“what am i without you?” the blond asked desperately, watery blue eyes searching tired brown depths.

“yourself,” tubbo whispered, as if he didn’t want to speak those words into existence.

tommy’s heart shattered into a million pieces, the cracks rendering his emotional center useless. his world threatened to fall around him as those words tore through every thought and set off every alarm system.

how could he tell tubbo that those words, cursed and vile, were wholly untrue? that tommy would surely lose himself without the older by his side, unable to keep sight of what was true and sound and what was horrid and evil. if tubbo... left, surely the world around the blond would stop revolving around the sun, for how could it if the sun was no longer there?

tommy hated himself in that very moment, as warm tears slipped down his cold cheeks and as tubbo’s tears betrayed him as well. he _despised_ himself. 

he was supposed to be brave. 

really, he was weak.

because the teen couldn’t get the words out of his throat. suddenly, his pleads were physical things, catching against his throat. 

_i’m nothing without you, tubbo._

_don’t leave me._

_i need you to stay._

_no one loves me like you do._

_you’re the one i can’t lose._

_please don’t go._

nothing came out except a pathetic sounding sob. tommy felt arms pulling him into a bruising embrace and he tried to ignore the shoulder of his red and white shirt getting wet with saline. he crushed tubbo, pulling his best friend against his shaking frame, knowing that when he let go, the brunet would be no more.

their friendship was a long and sometimes strained one. all the history that they’d built with each other sewed itself into every aspect of tommy’s life (he knew it was the same with tubbo). 

tubbo was going to die.

tommy was going to lose his better half in the cold and dark pit of dream’s mountain. 

he wailed.

tubbo was always so willing to show tommy affection, and he did it so easily. whether with casual brushes of hands or words spoken more sincerely than the mood allowed, the brunet was free and comfortable with his emotions. he was the only one to show the blond such pure love and so openly. 

tommy desperately wished that he’d been more like tubbo. but, emotions were hard for him and trying to understand them only led to frustration and confusion. his family consisted of a dead brother and a neglectful father with a tyrannical best friend who he favored over his children. cold, sharp looks and carefully selected words that concealed the truth was what the blond had grown up with and it was all he knew.

tubbo had been the first one to show him love.

and now, he’d be the last.

“don’t...” tommy choked out.

tubbo hushed him kindly, warm voice filling his racing mind.

a hand cradled the back of his head and the other gripped his shirt fiercely. still, tommy could feel his friend begin to pull away.

tommy let him.

the blond hoped that somehow, the brunet had understood through their embrace that tommy was sorry. a word which he said too little, because it meant too much. but, tommy knew that tubbo could have stood to hear that word more, which was why he was angry with himself. he also hoped that the other could feel how much he meant to the younger, how, despite everyone else’s opinion, tommy was tubbo’s sidekick. 

tommy’s world revolved around his best friend. 

but the sun was about to stop burning, and the earth would soon be left in the cold, inky blank expanse of space alone. 

the brunet let a hand slip to tommy’s cheek, cradling it gently, before it slipped from the blond’s reach. he turned his attention to the impatient man waiting on the opposite end of the large and claustrophobic room.

“alright, three minutes is up,” dream said casually, shining netherite axe shifting ever so gently in his hand.

tubbo looked forward, gaze hardening as dream began to step closer, slow and menacing.

“how have you accepted this?” tommy whispered, voice threatening to break. 

there was a kind and fragile smile on the brunet’s face.

“it’s my time, tommy,” he whispered back, gaze never leaving the masked man with a neon green hoodie.

_“it’s not your time to die, tommy.”_

_“it’s my time, tommy.”_

_no!_ his mind screamed with fury.

dream was closing in and the sadness that rooted the blond to the blackstone floor suddenly freed him. in one last act of defiance, with something akin to his past confidence, tommy grabbed tubbo by the arm, yanking older back so he could take his place.

“hey—“ the brunet gasped out.

the blond ignored him.

because this made dream stop and though his face was hidden, tommy could see the tension in his posture. the enchanted weapon shifted in the admin’s hand before the eldest seemed to remember himself.

“move,” he demanded plainly, finally with reach of the two teens.

“no, fuck you,” he spat back.

“move, tommy,” dream said again, frustration lacing his accented voice.

“fuck you, stupid bitch,” tommy snapped again, profanity dominating his vocabulary to cover up his fear. “you’re a dumb motherfucker, why the hell would i do what you say.”

“you’re being complicated,” the masked man replied.

“tommy—“ tubbo began from behind the other.

the blond opened his mouth, ready to retort, to stall for someone or something to intervene. everything died on his tongue, as the floor rushed up to greet him and dream’s hand gently left his shoulder.

tommy had no time to break his fall, crashing into the harsh floor on his side. white pain clouded his vision for a second as he immediately rolled onto his back. he took a pained gasp in to fill his empty lungs and his ribs clicked harshly. 

his whole side was on fire, nerves full of lava, but none of it mattered when he saw the way dream raised his axe above his head, poised to strike.

the teen was on his feet immediately and throwing his entire weight into the man. dream stumbled, catch off guard and holding the hall to nowhere’s wall to steady himself.

tommy smiled.

and it fell right off his lips.

tubbo staggered, and suddenly he was laying on the dark floor. 

blood was pooling around him.

his rosy cheeks were going pale.

his breathing was growing ragged.

blood gurgled.

tommy fell down beside his best friend, placing his hands over the brunet’s neck. the liquid was warm, so warm. it held tubbo’s life and yet it was seeping from his body. 

he needed to apply more pressure, but it would cut off the older’s air flow.

blood rushed to his ears, static filled his mind and tears blurred the world around him.

tubbo’s glazed and tired brown eyes find his.

“no... please don’t go—“ tommy tried, desperation clear and unabashed. 

“tommy...” tubbo murmured, a hand resting atop the two that were trying to save him.

“don’t... leave— everyone **always** leaves! you can’t... not you too...” he cried out.

the brunet smiled and shook his head. his thumb brushed the back to tommy’s hand kindly.

 _i won’t,_ tubbo mouthed. _i love you._

“i— love you too... tubbo, please...” 

the last of his plead wasn’t heard. the way tubbo smiled when the other reciprocated the confession made tommy want to say it more. that peaceful look in those eyes that extended to the rest of the brunet’s facial features. lord, if tommy had now words could have eased all of his best friends worries, he would have said them every. single. day.

those peaceful eyes were glassy and they gazed up at the ceiling.

there was no more warmth against his palms.

tubbo’s hands slipped from his own, falling limp beside his body.

“you should have paid— what the heck?”

“what the hell is going on...”

“tommy... what—?”

there were voices, climbing in volume and filling the too silent room. 

tommy couldn’t hear what they were saying.

he leaned over tubbo, pulling his friend up and into another bruising embrace. 

tubbo moved too easily.

something warm and slimy dripped down tommy’s hands and forearms, getting everywhere.

tubbo didn’t hug back.

there was a loud scream that rang throughout the commotion, burning all the other voices and rendering them silent. pain and anguish filled the noise, a testament to the range of human emotion, so raw and full of despair.

tommy was lost.

cold, alone and _lost._

for he had nothing to live for anymore.

_oh, tubbo._

**Author's Note:**

> canon fed us good today boys! i have some many things i want to write finally. i don’t need to sleep i need to WRITE.
> 
> i can’t wait to see all the fics & animatics about the 20th, oh my god.
> 
> i hope you’re doing well <3
> 
> have a good night!


End file.
